Jokes of the day

Posted by Andera Y at 09:20 Read our previous post

Part I - Sounds like a legitimate explanation to me...


The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman. She was somewhat upset.

'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried, 'How dare you do this to me, a faithful wife, and the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce right away!'

The husband replied, 'Hang on just a minute love, let me at least explain why it's happened.'

'Fine, go ahead,' she screamed, 'but they'll be the last words you'll ever say to me!'

And so the husband began.... 'Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down & out and defenceless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed & very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days! So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night; the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight.

The poor thing devoured them in moments. Since she needed a good clean up I suggested a shower and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but won't wear because you say they're too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't use because I don't have good taste. I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't use because someone at work has the same pair.'

The husband took a quick breath and continued, 'She was so grateful for my understanding and help, and as I walked her to the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, 'Please sir, do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?'

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Part II - Too tired...

A very tired nurse walks into a bank, totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift. Preparing to write a check, she pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse and tries to write with it.

When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted teller and without missing a beat, she says:

'Well, that's great....that's just great....

Some asshole's got my pen!'